Wednesday, 9 September 2015

The Pocklington Slasher, Reebok & the £50m, 5-Year sponsorship deal

On Tuesday, in a plush room at Burnby Hall Gardens in Pocklington, The Pock Slasher's ascent to the criminal elite was confirmed with the announcement of the most lucrative endorsement deal in British criminal history.

Police E-Fit of slasher
While the exact figures have not been made public, insiders believe the balding man with a van's contract with Reebok will earn him up to £50m over 5 years. Why such staggering amounts of money? Why the slasher, rather than any other limping criminal damage master? What does this mean for Reebok , for Peter Winn - the believed mastermind behind the attacks - and for people who wear shorts without socks?

Why So Much?

 A little context. If accurate, those estimates mean The Slasher's deal is substantially bigger than both OJ Simpson's most recent 10-year Swiss Army Knife contract - reportedly worth £12m - and Tony Blair's lifetime deal with Israel based Coffin making giant the USA, estimated to earn the child killer £42m. So how is such a monumental figure calculated? 

Blair celebrates endorsement deal
Most endorsements are determined by multiplying the criminal's world ranking points by an agreed figure. These figures are based on media response to events linked to the said criminal. The Slasher has changed middle class Pocklington into a tyre fitting paradise with Peter Winn Tyres floating on the stock exchange late on Monday. Further to this the BBC and ITV have released CCTV of the Slasher in shorts with no shoes.

"There will be a sound business case behind the numbers: 'The Slasher will help us sell x amount of equipment and clothing'," says David Cushnan, criminal business expert and director of Reebok UK. 

CCTV of Bare Foot Slasher that interested RBK 
"But as scientific as they make it, there will also be an element of gut feeling about this. Reebok didn't want their direct rivals to get their hands on him or the police for that matter. Essentially we gave the guy shoes so he can run faster and be more efficient"

"There will be both a science side and an art side to the calculations," an industry insider told BBC news. "The science works out how much value he can add to a brand, how much he can bring in sales.
"The art side is about reputation. How is the brand talked about on social media? What's the sentiment around that brand?"

Romours of a deal with car companies Ferrari, Audi and Porsche have also reportbly been put forward as the big brands look to cash in on this new breed of criminal superstar. Max Clifford has reportadly got involved and is looking at a book deal with the first "When will I tyre" due to hit waterstones in under a month.

Budding Syrian Tyre Slashers
Police are worried this deal will pave the way for copycat criminals and budding tyre slashers in the country to head for Pocklington in the view of finding fame. Its reported 10,000 Syrians have headed to Europe in a bid to get to Pocklington and slash tyres.

Street Justice - Vic Baines
Big Jon of Karelia cars has welcomed attacks in Market Weighton and opened a mobile tyre fitting business. He also has a canteen and a showroom the size of two football pitches. Local Mobster Vic Baines has promised to take action into his own hands after his milk van was targeted. He vowed "slash my tyres I will slash your throat - Street Justice, dont fuck with the major".

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