Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Islamic State Cut Pocklington Water

IS pictured at The Glider Club
In a shocking move IS have attacked the main water supply to Pocklington, destroying a main pipe in a co-ordinated attack. The attack has sparked outrage amongst residents who have reportedly began collecting rain water and drinking alcohol instead.

It is believed the attack happened sometime on Monday 23rd November a day that will be remembered by many in Pocklington as "dry Monday". Already donations have "poured" in from Yorkshire water in the form of plastic bottles containing water. Local mob leader Vic Baines quickly saw the opportunity and is now selling the bottles for £5 each from his local shop while others have resorted to selling bong water in pop up stalls all over Pocklington.

Pocklington Beck
BBCs Children in Need are running a Pocklintgton special tonight at 8pm "Pocklington in Need". The show will feature images of Pocklington folk bathing in the beck and drinking from the canals. They are pleading for special straws which makes the water clean. For just 50p you can help a Pocklington resident make a bong out of special straw.

It is rumoured that Pocklington Reservoir on Chapel Hill has been surrounded by US forces in a further escalation in the battle for power in the upper middle class town of Pocklington.

Reports have flooded in this week that the famed Pocklington Slasher has now joined Islamic State and is intent on attacking again after evading court. An attack now on Pocklingtons cars could lead to chaos meaning no water and no escape for the residents. Speaking from the Oval Caliphate the IS press team confirmed the water pipe attack "The water contained Fluoride so we are trying to save the people".

"They are scum" on Pocklington residents
Jeremy Corbyn earlier visited the troubled town and described the situation in his usual defiant left wing fashion. "They are drinking the scum from a river. They do not deserve this!"

Sherbutgate residents fear that they will lose the 90000 reported tourists every year if the water is not returned. The Hanging Baskets of Sherbuttgate look set to die unless water can be sourced. Oh the Irnoy of the lighthouse outside Franks.