ISIS "burgel" award winning profiteers of death
With Pocklington's growing upper middle class population and the emergence of trendy gin bars it is little wonder the man went for the cash and not the meat. Gone are the days of a good old Sunday meat raffle in the Oddies and the blind eye to a bit of old fashion fencing.
Pocklington now under the IS Caliphate
In a bizarre show of strength in the largely UKIP area of East Riding ISIS have claimed responsibility for the robbery. Leader of the Islamic state and self proclaimed Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi sneered "They are not serving halal, they sell pork and Belle Vita sold me a shit pizza 6 years ago. Do you know they boil the kebab meat?" The robber is clearly in ISIS uniform (all black). Al-Baghdadi has vowed to build the worlds largest mosque on the oval and instantly apply sharia law to Pocklingtons lawless streets. Its rumored many including local hard nut Chris Tatterson have gone into hiding in anticipation of the new laws.
Local terror
The insurers and police have estimated that exactly £4500.00r was stolen in the "high steak" robbery! This makes the meat robber one of the most successful in Pocklingtons colorful history. Fan mail has flooded in with many young females flocking to Pocklington to "meat" the famed robber. Complaints have flooded into Burtons about the state of the surfaces. Items have clearly been left out in what looks like a untidy torture dungeon frequented by Ted Bundy.
Pocklingtons other notable heists include:
- The JCB ram raid of Llyods TSD when the police tyres were slashed in advance. Sadly they got away with no money after Maggie from Danby's gave chase.
- The armed raid on 1079 garage Hewson & Robbin Cunts saw cigarettes and a few hundred pounds taken before the police helicopter found the bandits celebrating in the rugby club.
- Stuart Howell callously stole 7 fish fingers and a sausage from the dining hall at Woldgate by concealing them in his pocket
