Adam Mildred Peka also known locally as Adam, Peka, Pek, Ad, Ram, Walter Red, Heisenberg and Drunk is an unlikey crime boss from the violent neighborhood of Sherbutgate in the slums of Pocklington. Having failed in his career dream as a Maynews paper boy he had no choice and carved his trade as a young hustler on the wild and unforgiving street of Sherbutgate Road North. His quick rise to prominence shocked OG (Original Gangsta) Joe Goddard. Goddard said in an interview "I left".
His fast lifstely and rise to the top was recognized in the Yorkshire Evening Press and somewhat glamorized in the sensational Pocklington Post. One headline read "Idiot arrested trying to stab tyre of off duty police mans car with phone on loud while drunk and the knife broke befe.......[EDITORTS NOTE NO SPACE FOR HEADLINE]". The Pocklington Post is famous for underplaying the stories and terrible crime in the vast housing projects in the North of Sherbutgate where dole money is traded for pogs and football stickers in broad daylight.
 |
| This is the first picture of Adam "Mr Big" Peka at the tender age of 4 |
After numerous arrests and acquittals at courts across the land Adam became known as Teflon. This had nothing to do with the non stick qualities of the substance according to local cross-dressing street dancer George Oldhouse. Oldhouse told us in an overly manly voice "We called him Teflon after the pan cos he is as ram as a pan! RAM AS A PAN".
 |
| Peka "Walter Red" - pictured at one of his lavish garden parties believed to have cost £34.96. In a show of wealth it is said he would burn wood. - SURVEILLANCE PHOTO COURTESY OF NORTH YORKSHIRE POLICE |
Adam knew by now he was on thin ice and he had to stay low. Being a low life he didn't need to adapt, like gazza to a lager he found his way into darker circles of the dangerous Pocklington underworld. Not only were the police on his tail but local children from Pocklington Junior School used to laugh at him for using the lollypop lady at the age of 19.
 |
| Bullied - One of the outfits used to avoid the horrible children's laughter |
At this time in his life, Pekilla (Adam to family friends) was in turmoil. Not knowing which way to turn he went further underground. Seeking darker pleasures and a faster lifestyle (applied for provisional license). He was quoted in Forbes magazine "Yeah i want them all. All the lollypop ladies waiting for me to cross. Its about road safety". Often he would pretend to be doing work for charity in order to cover what was going on. Take a look at the picture below, seems nice enough?
 |
| With Gary Linekar for red nose day - The nose was cleverly stuffed with high quality Peruvian flake. Gary Linekar had no idea. |
 |
| George Clooney - A surprise for Adams birthday |
When George Clooney arrived at the Shed one Sunday afternoon to celebrate Teflons birthday the police knew he had fallen deeper into the depth's of Pocklingtons underworld. The police were powerless to stop Adam now he had Hollywood on his side.
 |
| Snoop Dogg was the next A list to come and meet Walter Red - Spotted here in Crip Territory (disabled crossing) |
 |
| One of Snopp Doggs "plane ful-o-ho's" - Britney Spears was ridden around the streets by an ADHD riddled Wayne Rooney lookalike. This was described by police as a defiant show of strength |
 |
| The Bribe - Top Cop, Officer Eyedropdsoap gives a thumbs up with a satisfied looking Peka |
 |
| In his pocket - Adam even showed support for crimes against children by posing with Maxine Carr and Patrick Gaviscon. Some say this was to get back at the Junior school bullies? |
 |
| Started from the bottom now we here - Peka flaunts his a-list chums Rapper Eminem & Footballer and shampoo model David Ginola. |
They say what goes up must come down and sadly for Adam his time was up. It was Sunday and he had work tomorrow and I have run out of fucking time!
This aint over. Look at this ending as the happy one Adam wanted and the cliff hanger we dreamed of!
Fell free to guess or suggest Adams grizzly demise.
PREVIEW of part 2:
This is still God damn amazing
ReplyDelete