Adam Peka kidnapped by derranged lunatic after Zuckerberg payout

 Adam "teflon" Peka has been kidnapped after scooping Mark Zuckerbergs surprise new year payout.

Do not approach

Adam must have suspected this would happen eventually. Carlsberg don't make hated men but if they did..... Regardless of this nothing could have prepared Adam for the lunatic he would face on new years day. It is reported local man Remmer has kidnapped Adam for reasons that are yet unclear. Remmer described by Mrs Booth as "the kid with the broken brain" this fruit loop was known for lovingly cuddling his first pet to death in a bizarre show of solidarity.

Feared by police and petshop owners Remmer is a lethal figure who has escaped justice for years by only eating peanut butter, avoiding mainstream supermarkets and pet stores. It is believed he once ate a suffering pigeon outside of franks kebabs. Owner of Franks Darren denied serving the injured bird but admitted it had happened once before.

It is rumored the deranged Remmer still high from new years eve stalked his pray and ambushed Peka at the almost forgotten love lane phone box.

Peka being held captive

Adam Peka wins Mark Zuckerberg fortune!

Im sure we have all seen the "Facebook Mark Zuckerberg is going to give away 4.5 million shares of his Facebook stock tonight at midnight; 10% to people like you and me! All you have to do is copy and paste this to your page and post. Facebook is doing this to show what a powerful tool of connection it is !!! Can't wait to see who wins !!! This is not a hoax !!! It's on Good Morning America !!This would be so awesome" appear in what we only thought were gullable idiots newsfeeds. But it turns out it was not a hoax at all and the real fools were the people mocking Mark Zuckerberg's generous gesture to end 2015!

Many mocked people sharing the status that I must admit looked hoax like. Here are some examples.

Poking fun at the chancers!

Hate filled rant againts the optimists

But in a bizarre turn of events Zuckerberg (the owner of facebook) today confirmed via twitter (unconfimed account) and his official facebook page that Pocklington superstar Adam "teflon" Peka had scooped the incredible prize.

His facebook confirming Adam Peka's win

Zuckerbergs twitter #nohoax @pocklington

Wonga & Quick Quid have reportadly seen share prices rocket as a result and have reportadly put armed gaurds outside his house until he settles his £9 loan from 2007.  

Adam made a brief facebook status about coco-pops (he is physically addicted) before being spotted partying with Snoop Dogg / Lion in some upmarket gin bar. Teflon once again looks set to rise to the top of Pocklington's elite much to the upset of Henry Thirsk often dubbed the Donald Trump of Pocklington.

I would rather have a bowl of Coco-Pops

Adam mocks the mockers 

Peka with Snoop Dogg celebrating the win!

The win comes off the back of a devastating plumbing error which cost him his job and half of Yorkshire to be flooded over Christmas.